Tired of being the Hero..

Lately to me, it seems as though I keep getting stuck in the middle of two people who are having problems. I won't mention names, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone anything.. But I am suppose to be friends with each one of them and help them. I know both sides of each story, and one side does't want me to tell the other side anything.. Sorry if I am not making sence.. I just need to get this out.. I feel as though I need to save one side, while being the hero to the other. And as of late.. I just want to forget them all and become the Villian.. Just be a rebal and not care anymore.. not really be the one to cause problems..but not be the one for them to ALWAYS run to..The worst part of it is.. When I go to try and help myself out.. everyone calls me selfish..and I'm looking for is sympothy...and that really hurts..

Whats funny is.. Even as I am sitting here writing this blog.. I am helping out a friend in need. Being the hero.. So my thoughts must go unheard..and actions unseen. And with that.. I am done here for the day.. Please leave comments and any advice you might have.. Thank you.

Be My Escape.

Wouldn't it be nice to find a quiet place. Where you can listen to the breeze as it runs acrost your face. When you can actually start a thought and be able to finish it. A place where there is no war, no problems, no responsabilities. No worries. period. Somewhere my heart could fully mend.

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key. And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me. And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going becauseI gotta get outta here. Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake. I gotta get outta here And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape!!

Patience is a vurtue..

If God is trying to teach me patiences...so far its not working. I need to trust in Him more and allow things to have time to get where they need to be. I'm so ready to find a good job, get a place and settle down. It's just everything else that seems to be holding me back. That and the fact that my boyfriend is still a senior in highschool. That is a set back. But don't get me wrong, I love him with my whole heart. He means the world to me.

I'm just so ready to be the Mrs. and have a baby.. Sounds like I'm rushing I know.. Both my sister were married and had atleast one baby by now, or on the way. I'm kind of jealous, but at the same time, I know God has a plan for me. And maybe waiting is part of it. Well thats all my thoughts on this for now. Prayers would be amazing and much appreciated!!

Friends are for what?

I'm having a lot of trouble with some friends of mine. We both have our sides of the story and neither of us can figure out what the other one is talking about. It's all so frustrating and getting really annoying. Whatever I say to them hurts them. But when they something to me, and it hurts me. I can't tell them that because then they think I'm looking for attention and pitty. One of them has actually called me two face..not to my face but over the phone, as if he was to scared to say it in person. We use to be close, until this falling out. And now I just don't know what to do. My emotions are clouding my head, I can't even think clearly anymore. The more we try to fix things, the worse, I believe, it gets.

If you have any advice, that would be so appreciated. Thank you.

Sometimes sacrafices are hard..

A few weeks ago, I found out that my boyfriend was joining the Army. He said he would be leaving sometime in August to go to basic. I didn't really like the idea of any of it, but I supported him and his decision. I figured that we would have the summer to be with eachother and hang out. Well today he left to go to Lansing for his PE testing. Tonight he called me to let me know that the leave time was moved up to June.. June 9th to be exact. Which happends to be my birthday, so I am rather sad about it. I feel that I can't let my emotions show, but I'm pretty sure he already knows how I feel. I'm just not sure what to do or say. I pray that he is safe and will come back to me in one. Now, if any time before, is the time that I need my family and friends the most. And more importantly, God's love and grace.